^ me with almost everything
Thanks to Dan Harmon & Jessica Gao’s recent episode on their podcast “Whiting Wongs”, (plus the constant encouragement I get from Josh to just WRITE SOMETHING), I’ve decided it’s about time for me to start blogging daily! I think the thing that resonated with me most from the podcast comes directly from the episode’s title. “I hate writing. But I love having written.”
Things are changing a little too quickly for me this year. But honestly, I react this way whenever my lifestyle starts to take any sort of turn. Recently, at a prayer meeting, we got down to the root of my problem – I have a hard time letting things go. Doesn’t matter if they’re healthy or unhealthy habits, lifestyles, or groups of friends. I fear change, and even just the possibility of being uncomfortable.
It’s the reason clutter tends to build up in my room quickly. It’s the reason I avoid conflict at all costs. And it’s the reason I haven’t been able to distance myself from my current job to pursue a career in what I really love.
Change can be all kinds of uncomfortable.
But leave it to God to throw me for a loop. We never can just settle, can we? Because about a month ago, my entire family was caught off guard with the news that we would have to move out of the home we’d been renting out for the last three years – in two months time.
You can imagine the panic a family of planners might be going through when we hit that two-weeks-left mark before finally finding a new place to move into. And while the new place seemed quite nice and close by, it was much, much smaller in terms of storage space. Meaning the four of us had to cut down on a LOT, and I mean a LOT of clutter. In two weeks. Two. Weeks.
Needless to say, it’s been rough these last few weeks. Packing up, cleaning, and unpacking an entire home filled with things from as far back as our birth in less than a weeks time really takes a toll out of you.
But guess what?
In the end, it helped all of us, especially myself, to finally learn how to just…let go.
Since the move, I’ve gotten rid of about 10 bags and boxes full of items from just my room alone. Unworn clothing, broken antiques, old textbooks, school notes, love letters, Christmas cards. I looked at these piles of untouched items and thought to myself, “Damn. Why did I keep all of this?…”
Marie Kondo explains it best in her book “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” I’ve been listening to the 5 hour audio book while unpacking and it’s been GREAT. It actually helped me get rid of even more stuff. Basically, she explains how once an item has fulfilled its purpose, it’s okay for us to let it go. For example, a notebook full of old biology notes I never plan on re-reading.
Letting go of things doesn’t mean our memories of them lose their meaning. It means we can thank them for what they’ve done for us, and move on with our lives. We keep growing.
And I think this applies to every other part of my life. By letting go, I can thank my past for its impact on who I am now, and start the process of growing again. And it feels so good.
Today marks one of those days.
Earlier this afternoon, while at my local CVS, I was in the middle of purchasing a couple boxes of sanitary napkins because…hey. I’m human and I bleed. And while I was purchasing them from the male cashier, he kindly asked if I’d be needing a bag. Me, being the stingy human being I am, thanked him and declined. “Look at me, saving money,” I thought proudly to myself. Yes. I saved a dime.
But the guy behind me made a face. “Are you sure you don’t want a bag for that?” Confused, I nodded. “Yeah, I can carry these pretty easily, no worries!”
I’d misunderstood his words as kind and worrisome for my sake. But then he added, “You should probably get a bag for those though…it’s kinda gross to be carrying that out in the open, isn’t it?”
Amazed at his strange concern over my decision to hold my boxes of unused pads out in public for the 10 seconds I’d be walking to my car, I answered in sarcastic disbelief – “I’m so sorry…is my bloody vagina making you uncomfortable?”
Sorry for the crass language. But for some reason, I just didn’t feel like taking things passively today. The sass sorta just…poured out of me.
Apparently he wasn’t expecting such a blatant reply either. Loudly, he replied, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, it does make me uncomfortable.”
I smiled my friendliest smile, turned back towards the register, card in hand, and replied, “Well, I’m sorry your mother decided to have you instead of her bloody vagina.”
God bless that cashier for holding back his laughter.
“Have a nice day!” he chuckled as I walked out of that CVS proudly, pads in hand.
Today, I let go of my need to please everyone I meet, and just relished in the flood of confidence I’d just had. It felt GREAT! Also, those who know me know I’m not particularly great at comebacks. Or any kind of conflict. So this made me feel even better.
There really is something magical about just letting the little things go.
And now that I have this blog, it feels like I’ll be flying free in no time.